The Noodle Incident
by Swing123
Summary: complete
1. a normal day?

_Disclaimer: no. I don't own Calvin. I don't own Hobbes, I don't own Susie, I don't own.... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah._

Calvin was flying over the town with bluebirds birds fluttering along with him, chirping happily.

Planes passed, and stared at Calvin in awe.

Calvin was laughing, as the birds flew with him. Now he knew how the birds...

"CALVIN! GET UP! NOW! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE BUS!"

Calvin's eyes opened.

He was in bed.

Hobbes was laying next him. His eyes seemed to glued shut. His mouth was hanging open, and a long, loud, disgusting snore came bouncing out, and into Calvin's face. He smelled tuna and salmon.

As fast as possible, Calvin crawled out of bed.

Trying not to listen to the fog horn that was blasting out of Hobbes' mouth.

He put on his shirt, and pants, and walked down to the livingroom.

Calvin's mom and dad were there. Sipping coffee and reading their own copy of the day's newspaper.

Calvin, who didn't enjoy going to school, tried to sneak outside to his tree house. But dad saw him.

"CALVIN!" he yelled. "You don't want to go to school without breakfast, do you?"

Calvin rolled his eyes. "No dad." he said.

He pulled out a box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs, and poured a bowlful. He then tried to get to the sugar bin, but his mom caught him.

"Calvin! There's enough sugar in that cereal! If you put even a grain of sugar on it, I won't buy it for you anymore!"

Calvin grumbled and poured the milk into the bowl.

Almost instantly the milk turned a bright blue color.

Calvin's mom and dad never did notice it since Calvin ate in at the table in the mornings, when mom and dad drank coffee in the livingroom.

Calvin began to crunch his cereal.

Then Hobbes came sliding down the banister on the stairs.

He walked over to Calvin.

"Hello, Mr Sunshine!" he said. "How's the weather?"

Calvin grunted and didn't answer.

"My, my," Hobbes continued. "We're extra sunshiny today, aren't we?"

Calvin ignored him.

Hobbes, who was getting annoyed, hit the switch blade in his paw. His claws shot out. Hobbes reached under Calvin's chair, and delivered a handful of pain right into Calvin's unsuspecting butt.

"YOW!" Calvin screamed, and flew three feet into the air.

His bowl spilled, and the milk and cereal was all over the table and floor.

Hobbes snickered.

Calvin landed face first into the floor.

Mom and dad, who were used to Calvin screaming whenever Hobbes came in, didn't even look up.

Calvin glared at all three of them, and grabbed his red backpack that was by the door.

Mom scooted her seat next to their picture window, so she could make sure Calvin would rush off to his tree house.

Calvin walked over to the road, and stopped.

There, he began to stare off into space waiting for the bus to come.

It was then that Susie came up.

"Hi Calvin!" she said, waving her hand.

Calvin grunted and didn't answer.

"Well aren't we cheerful today? What's with you?"

"Go play with a chainsaw, Susie." Calvin replied.

Susie glared at him, and stepped away from him.

Inside the house, Mom grinned.

"There's that Dirkins girl. Have you ever noticed how Calvin is always watching her?"

Dad smiled and nodded his head.

Hobbes slapped his mouth to keep himself from bursting out laughing.

Hobbes knew that Calvin was always watching Susie because he was waiting for a chance to smack her with a snowball or water balloon. But Hobbes always looked for an excuse to tease Calvin because of a so-called "crush" Calvin has on her.

The school bus came a few minutes later.

And thus began the mysterious NOODLE INCIDENT!


	2. noodle week

Calvin made it a race to make sure he got onto the bus first.

"_I'm not going to sit next to her!_" Calvin thought, as he sat down in a seat, and spread his feet across it. Making sure NOBODY would sit next to him.

Susie walked passed him without even looking at him.

Calvin muttered, then laid his head onto the seat, using his backpack as a pillow.

"Move over Twinky!" said a familiar voice.

Calvin's eyes popped open.

Moe was standing there, glaring at Calvin,

"I said MOVE!"

Calvin leaped up into the air.

"_On second thought..._" Calvin said. "_maybe Susie won't be THAT bad!_"

he rushed over to the seat where Susie was sitting.

Later that day, after the bell rang, Calvin went to the cafeteria.

"_Boy am I starved!_" he thought he rushed into the cafeteria.

Only then did he remember that it was...

"NOODLE WEEK!" Calvin screamed at the lunch lady. "I HATE NOODLES! WHAT KIND OF STUPID GIMMICK IS THAT! NOODLE WEEK! INDEED!"

The lunch lady, who didn't like being insulted, put an extra pile of noodles onto Calvin's plate.

Calvin grumbled, and sat down at a table.

There he got to work at staring at the noodles.

A noodle sandwich, a piece of noodle flavored Jell-o with a noodle in the middle, a can of noodle flavored Pepsi, and two big piles of noodles on his plate.

Calvin made a disgusted look.

Then he got an idea.

His eyes fell onto his backpack.

If he slowly, and carefully... ZIIIIIIIP. Calvin opened his pack, made sure no one was looking, and poured all the noodles into the backpack.

They hit his school textbooks, and pencils and erasers, but Calvin didn't care.

He poured all the noodles in, made sure noone had seen, then walked out of the Cafeteria, his pack around his shoulders. He did this for the next week.

Skipping lunch so he could pour the noodles into his pack.

Then on the final day of noodle week, Calvin lied in bed.

He didn't want to get up. Even though his mom was calling at him from downstairs.

Finally he crawled out of bed.

He shuffled over to his backpack that he had in the corner.

Calvin took hold of the zipper, and pulled and... YUCK!

A terrible stench came rushing out.

The noodles were rotting!

Some had shriveled up, and others had turned green from mold.

Calvin's eyes bulged. He looked around, then quickly zipped the pack up.

Hobbes' head shot up. "What was that!" he yelled.

Calvin turned around, nervously. "What was what?" he asked.

Hobbes sniffed the air. "I smell rotting noodles." he said.

Sweat poured off Calvin's face, and he pushed the backpack into a corner with his foot.

"Ha, ha, you must be dreaming Hobbes. I don't smell any noodling rottles!"

Hobbes studied Calvin.

"Hey Calvin, why are you so twitchy all of a sudden?" he asked.

"Twitchy? Who's Twitchy? I uh, gotta go, Calvin I'm going to be late for the b-bus!"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"Since when are YOU worried about being late to school? And my name's Hobbes."

"Yes, and it's a pleasure to make acquaintance, Hobbes, now if you don't mind... BYE!"

Calvin zoomed put the door. Leaving Hobbes totally stumped.


	3. a terrible crime

That day, Calvin knew he had to get rid of the noodles.

But how? Each time he edged himself next to a trash can.

he drew the suspicion of Miss Wormwood or Mr Spittle.

Just when Calvin was beginning to loose hope in the cafeteria, he noticed the lunch ladies scooping out the noodles for everyone.

Calvin grinned, and grabbed his pack. he rushed over behind the lunch ladies, and very carefully and silently, Calvin dumped the noodles into the pot.

the lady serving the noodles didn't suspect a thing. Calvin chuckled to himself, and then raced over to find a seat.

Calvin had forgotten how badly rotten those noodles were.

Calvin got up the next day just as usual.

screaming, and fighting, and trying to sneak away from the house.

Calvin went grumbling up to the bus stop.

there he stood and waited. he was surprised when Susie didn't come up and wait with him.

he was even MORE surprised when the bus didn't come, and Calvin had to walk.

The biggest surprise, however, awaited Calvin when he got to the school.

It was completely deserted. Calvin looked around.

the wind was blowing very hard. Just then, his mom's car pull up to him.

mom rolled down her window and said,

"Calvin I just received a phone call from your teacher. you're skipping school today."

Calvin stared at her.

"why?" He asked. "too many kids are sick she said." mom replied.

Calvin shrugged, and climbed into the car.

Hobbes was very surprised to see Calvin home so soon.

"why are YOU home?" he asked.

Calvin grinned up at him. "Everyone was sick." he said simply.

Hobbes raised an eyebrow. "Hmmm, everyone but YOU!" he observed.

Calvin stared at him. "are you accusing me of something?" he asked.

Hobbes didn't answer but continued to stare.

"I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" yelled Calvin.

"everyone but you." he repeated silently. "look, if it made ya feel better, I'll call Susie. 'K?"

Calvin walked over to the telephone, and dialed Susie's number.

"hello Mrs. Dorkins, I MEAN, Derkins, may I speak with the idiot of the house, I MEAN, Susie?"

"sorry Calvin." Mrs. Derkins said. "but Susie's too sick. she's been barfing up noodles all night."

Calvin's eyes bulged. "n-n-n-noodles?" he stammered.

"I gotta go, Calvin," Mrs. Derkins said. "Susie is extremely dehydrated, and I need to tend to her."

and with that, Susie's mom hung up.

Calvin still held the receiver in his hands.

He was blabbering like an idiot, and Hobbes noted a look of sheer terror on his face.

"uh, Calvin?" Hobbes asked waving his hand in front of Calvin's face. "yoo-hoo? anyone home?"

Calvin dropped the telephone. "HOBBES I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU HAVE NO CASE! YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! I KNOW NOTHING OF THE ROTTING NOODLES THAT WERE PUT IN EVERYONE'S LUNCH!"

Calvin slapped his mouth as if he had just told Hobbes what he got him for Christmas.

"noodles?" asked Hobbes, alarmed. "What a horrible crime to commit!"

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" screamed Calvin. "I WAS FRAMED! I... I... OOOOOOOOH!"

Calvin fainted.

Hobbes shook his head, muttered "I'm glad I'm not a human."

and carried Calvin upstairs to his room. Ready to interrogate him further when he woke up.


	4. final

Calvin's eyes slid open.

His eyes fixed on Hobbes.

"Where are you and who am I?" he muttered, stupidly.

"I think you mean Who are you, and where am I, don't you?" said Hobbes.

"Oh I remember, now! You're Hobbes, welcome back, buddy how was Europe?"

Hobbes stared at Calvin.

"Calvin, I've never gone to Europe. You have recently fainted, and you're still half asleep."

"yes, of corse. Stop moving your lips, it hurts my ears." Calvin said.

he got up, stretched, then his eyes came into focus, and the events of the noodles came rushing back to him.

"HOBBES I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU HAVE NO CASE! YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! I KNOW NOTHING OF THE ROTTING NOODLES THAT WERE PUT IN EVERYONE'S LUNCH! "

Calvin fainted again.

Hobbes rolled his eyes.

"I was expecting that." he said.

He walked up to Calvin, and poured a bucket of water over his face.

SPLASH!

Calvin's eyes shot open.

"HOBBES I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU HAVE NO CASE! YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! I KNOW NOTHING OF..."

Hobbes slapped his hand over Calvin's mouth.

"Please don't do that, again." he said. "now I'm going to take my hand of your mouth and you're going to explain to me, slowly and carefully, EXACTLY what happened."

Calvin nodded.

"Ok."

Hobbes took his hand of Calvin's mouth and Calvin screamed.

"HOBBES I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU HAVE NO CASE! YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! I KNOW NOTHING OF THE ROTTING NOODLES THAT WERE PUT IN EVERYONE'S LUNCH!"

Hobbes' eyes rolled into the back of his head.

"Tell me." he said.

And so Calvin turned in his bogus report of how the noodle incident happened.

**Calvin's bogus report on how the noodle incident happened.**

Well, let me think here. OK! I was going to school! I was being my usual flawless self! The ladies were all fainting when they saw me and... this getting boring, lets mush on. Miss Wormwood was bowing and throwing kisses as I walked into the classroom. Mysteriously, there had been a red carpet underneath me all day that day. Only one person hated my guts. Susie Dorkins! She vowed to turn off all my fame and fortune! So She convinced the evil lunch ladies to make up a idiotic gimmick called NOODLE WEEK! Well, I'm not crazy about noodles, but I try to polite. So I didn't complain when the evil lunch ladies poured a gallon of noodles onto my tray. But just then, Susie set a gas bomb off in the cafeteria! Then she took my noodles, and turned them into evil parasites! Only I was to escape from the evil noodle army which was taking over the school, and making everybody sick! Then I came home.

**The end**

Hobbes stared at Calvin with a blank expression on his face.

"You are so weird." he said. "but never mind that. Whatever happened yesterday, happened. And we have to find some way to help the kids."

Calvin stared at Hobbes in disbelief.

"Hobbes! We can't do that! We just go on as if nothing happened. If we're lucky, Susie will admit her terrible crime and..."

Hobbes grabbed Calvin's arm, and led him outside.

"Hobbes, we CAN'T help them! We don't have any kind of super medicine!"

"I didn't say we did" said Hobbes.

"Where are you taking me?" asked Calvin.

Just then the library came into view.

"AAAA! NO! NOT THERE! HELP! HELP! I'M BEING KIDNAPED! SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!"

People stared at Calvin.

All they could see was Calvin dragging a stuffed tiger to the library and screaming for help.

Calvin and Hobbes spent the next few minutes at the library.

Hobbes was going through some books on health, and Calvin had his face glued against the glass doors.

At last, Hobbes came up to Calvin.

"Darn! I can't find anything on noodle rot."

Calvin didn't answer.

He continued to press his face into the door.

Hobbes stared at a health magazine.

"Mmmm! This might be helpful!"

Calvin ripped his face off the door, and stared at a magazine ad.

"Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, yay Peptobismol." he read.

Hobbes grinned.

"Just what we're looking for!" he said.

Calvin stared at Hobbes. "Hobbes, have tasted that stuff? It's terrible! They take toad barf, put in pink food coloring, and then add sawdust for so-called flavor! It's enough to make your taste buds whither and die!"

"It may taste bad, but it'll be perfect for this situation." said Hobbes

"Oh brother." said Calvin.

"Calvin, how much money do you have?" asked Hobbes.

"I have five bucks, why?" there was a moment of silence.

"NO!" Calvin screamed. "I'm not wasting my money on that blended, chewed, bubble gum they call medicine!"

Hobbes grinned, and showed Calvin his claws.

Calvin stared at them.

"On the other hand, that stuff does work." he said.

Calvin and Hobbes made their way to the supermarket.

After buying a few bottles of the stuff, Calvin and Hobbes made their way to Susie's house.

They snuck into the house, and poured some of the pink gunk into the lid, and with Hobbes help, slid some down Susie's throat, while she was sleeping.

And that's what they did for all the other kids.

And soon, they were all better, and back at school.

Miss Wormwood strongly suspected Calvin for the incident, but Calvin kept to his word that it was all Susie's idea.

**The** "HOBBES I DIDN'T DO IT! YOU HAVE NO CASE! YOU CAN'T PROVE A THING! I KNOW NOTHING OF THE ROTTING NOODLES THAT WERE PUT IN EVERYONE'S LUNCH!" **End**

_Swing: Peptobismol probably wouldn't work overnight, but this was the best ending I could come up with. Please no flames. _


End file.
